PRIDE and Coming Out, My Story

PRIDE and Coming Out

            It is June and it is PRIDE month. All across the nation, cities will be hosting PRIDE festivals and Parades. There will be PRIDE marches. They will come from far and wide to join in the festivities. To gather in mass, for a weekends long celebration.

            I had my first gay experience when I was 7 years old. Now keep in mind, I had no idea what being gay meant. I had never even heard the word, homosexual. I was clueless that it was a horrible thing to homosexual, coming from a Christian upbringing. I had never heard anyone mention homosexuality at church or in my home.

            It was my dad’s best friends, oldest son, whom, I had my first homosexual experience. I will not mention his name, to protect his identity. Like I said, I was 7 at the time. He was 13 or 14 years old. It all seemed so natural to me. Yes, even though I was young it felt natural. I hadn’t been corrupted by the negativity that is associated with being homosexual. I didn’t feel weird or worried. Like what was happening was wrong. In looking back I’m not so sure that that was a good thing or not.

It wasn’t until much later, I found out that according to my family, church, and certain former friends. Being gay was wrong, an abomination, and a sin. So I began to watch and listen, to what people said and how they reacted and responded when the words, gay, queer, fag, homo, came up. Let’s just say it was eye opening.

            I kept my sexuality to myself, all through high school. And even after graduation. I felt it necessary to keep this part of my life secret from family and friends. My family is deeply religious. And at that time, I didn’t have any plans to come out or start dating a guy.

            When I was 22 years old. I was working for Stanley Furniture. My friends would come home from college and get summer jobs there. They would work with me for the summer, then around the middle of August, or first of September, they would head back to school for the fall semester. It bothered me, when they left. I decided to do something about it.

            I decided to go back to school. It was depressing to see my friends leave at the end of summer. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life working at Stanley. Looking back, this one decision, completely changed my life forever. It may seem simple, but it wasn’t. I was such a closed and narrow-minded person. That all changed once I decided to go to college.

            Going back to school and moving away from home, was a huge step. It opened my eyes to a whole new world. It exposed me to people from many different walks of life and back grounds. It opened me up to different ways of thinking and life in general. I’m not saying it was a bad thing. Just that if I hadn’t gone back to school, I’d probably still be in Robbinsville, clueless of what life has to offer.

            I moved to Sylva. I got an apartment with my friend Bryan. He transferred from the University of North Carolina Asheville, to Western Carolina University, so we could be roommates. We got an apartment at Wards Cabins on the river, not far from school. Some of our friends moved a few cabins down from us.

            Moving away from home was a unique experience for me. Freedom to be myself and the sweet smell of independence was like a drug. I didn’t have family watching over me. Critiquing my every move. My church wasn’t there to tell me that going to college was a bad idea. It was liberating to be out from under those yokes of oppression. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and my church. They didn’t like that I was moving away. They didn’t like my school of choice.

            Not long after moving to Sylva, a friend of ours came out as gay. His name was Shane. He was from Robbinsville. He was in our circle of friends. His coming out, totally freaked me out. I didn’t want to be around him. I was afraid people would think I was gay. Which I was, but I wasn’t ready to come out just yet.

            I got a job working at a convenience store, while I was going to school, to help pay bills. It was an easy job. I became the assistant manager. It was while I was working there, that I met and later became friends with a young man named Andy. Andy is gay. He came into the store one Friday night to purchase gas. What struck me odd about Andy, was the T-shirt he was wearing, when he came in. It had two guys on the front of the T-shirt facing each other. They were wearing leather pants, no shirts, and wearing military style hats that you would see on the TV show Hogans Heros. Something went off in my head, saying this guy is gay. We made small talk while I was ringing up his bill. He asked me about the score of the football game. The local high school, Smoky Mountain was playing. I had no clue about the game. I wasn’t listening to it on the radio.  He smiled, said thanks and left.

            He started coming in regularly after that. He’d always wear a T-shirt that would send off bells and whistles in my head. We would talk each time, becoming more familiar. Then one night he brought a friend with him. His name was Chad. Chad was a nice guy. Very talkative. Like Andy, he was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of cow print Versace pants. The T-shirt sent off bells and whistle, this guy is gay also.  It was not long after, that Andy came into the store one evening. He said that he knew I was gay. I guess the look on my face was priceless. He also told me that he brought Chad in to meet me, to see if he thought I was gay.  Chad told him, that he thought so, but that I was still in the closet so to speak. And may not even realize, that I was gay.

            Well, the cat is out of the bag so to speak. So, each time Andy would come in, I’d question him to death. He was patient and would answer my questions. I still had not officially came out. But I was closer to making a change in that area of my life. I knew that I was tired of hiding who I was. I was tired of being lonely. All my buddies had girlfriends. I wanted that closeness with another person.

            A few months later. By an accident, just waiting to happen. I walked into Scandals Night Club for the first time. I didn’t know that Scandals was a gay club. I soon found out. It nearly scared me to death, when the door attendant asked me if I knew what kind of bar this was. I said no.  Then he told me a gay bar. I still wasn’t ready to come out, not yet anyways.

            Instead of leaving like a smart man would do. I go over the bar. The bartender whose name is TJ asked me what I was having. I told surprise me and make it a double. Yeah, I got shitfaced drunk. So, drunk, I don’t remember how I got home that night. When I came to the next day, I was home in my bed.

            I was so paranoid that someone I knew, would find out where I had gone the night before. I completely shut everyone out. I would go to school and work. Once I got home, I would lock myself in my bedroom. I stopped socializing with my roommates and our friends. I am surprised that Bryan and my roommates didn’t kill me, looking back on it.

            It took a month for me to calm down.  I was so stressed out. Bryan was ready to kill me. Bryan and our friend Melissa were going to a party. I didn’t know at the time that Andy was the person throwing the party. Bryan was working with me at the store so he had met Andy at the store a few times also. Well they were talking, and evidently Bryan brought me up in conversation. Andy didn’t realize that I hadn’t come out to my friends. I was still hiding in the closest, and hadn’t come out at all. During their conversation, Andy said some things. And understanding dawned on Bryan, as to what I was going through. As Andy realized to his horror, that He had just outed me, to my friends.

            Bryan confronted me about being gay. He told me that he already knew that. He had known for a long time that I was gay. He said he knew, when we were in Atlanta at his moms, staying one weekend. She told him I was gay. It is a good thing that she liked me. I asked him why he didn’t say anything. He told me that he was waiting on me to figure it out, and come out in my own time. He was just so cool about it. I had stressed for nothing, it made me a little bit upset with him. Lol. It was not what I was expecting from my friend. Come to find out, my roommates didn’t care one way or another. Michael said, you like to hunt and fish, so you are OK in my book. Eugene, said just don’t get any ideas and laughed. I told him not to worry. I wasn’t attracted to any of them…lol They were just happy I was back to normal and being a part of the team again.

            I slowly over the next few months came out to various family members and friends. No, it wasn’t an easy process. But the more I came out to those special people the better I felt about it. I wanted those closest to me to know. But I was also terrified about how my immediate family and my church would react to this revelation.

            I didn’t have to wait long to find out. A friend of mine, her name is Lynn. We went to school together and had been friends for years. She found out that I was gay. She went to my pastor’s house and told him and his wife. I couldn’t believe she had done that. My church was having a mid-winter Bible Conference at the time. This was at the end of February. I went to the service on Wednesday night. I had no reason to suspect anything out of the ordinary. The service was good. My cousin Liss kept looking at me strange, with a scowl on her face all through service. She is a preachers wife.

            It wasn’t until after the service that I found out what was stuck up her crawl. I was just walking out the door to leave church and head back to Sylva. When my pastor Bro. Jimmy, called out and said he wanted me to help him for a few minutes. We headed back toward one of the Sunday rooms that functions also as the tape room and men’s prayer room. When we walked in the room, it was packed with men, friends of mine that I had gone to church with for years. Visiting preachers and church members. My pastor has ambushed me and I had walked right into this trap, without a clue.

            I was totally blindsided and unprepared for this type of confrontation. Most everyone in there was friends of mine. But I wasn’t about to start a battle of wills and debate homosexuality in the house of God. I was calm and collected, but my insides were in a knot. My Pastor started by saying that he wasn’t ganging up on me and that everyone there loved and cared about me. I didn’t doubt that. He went on to say, that what I was doing was wrong and a mortal abominable sin. He also said that he knew that it was a mistake for me to move to Sylva and go to a secular college.  He then asked if we could pray. I said yes.

            After the prayer. He laid out what he had been told. In front of 50 men. He had just outed me. He asked if I had partaken in the homosexual lifestyle. I told him, if he was asking if I had had sex with another guy, that no I had not partaken in any homosexual activity. I couldn’t decide if I should be mad or embarrassed for this invasion of my private life. But I let him talk and listened to what he had to say. None of it was good. He told me, If I didn’t renounce being a homosexual and give up the lifestyle, and never again go to any club’s gay or straight. Then I would be excommunicated from the church, and not welcomed.

            I hadn’t even come out to my Mom and family yet. But my pastor outing me here and now would surely get back to her, in short order, I knew my Mom would know within a day maybe two what had happened in here. Instead of going straight to her house and telling her myself. Which in hind sight would have been the best route. But no, I waited to see what would happen.  I was a nervous wreck driving back to my apartment that night. When I got there, I told Brian and my roommates what had happened. They couldn’t believe Bro. Jimmy would do that to me.

            By Friday the news had circulated through town. Mom heard about it from some mean hearted gossip queen.  I was on my way home from work that Friday evening. I had a car phone. My Mamaw Pauline called me on the car phone. She had never done that before. She wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I was on my way to the apartment from work. She said ok and hung up. Strange very strange. But it sent off warning signs in my head.  When I got to the apartment my dear sweet mother, had left me a 10 minute voice message on the house phone. It wasn’t a nice voice message. Lets just say she talked mean to me. It started on how could you shame me in this way. And went downhill from there. I had just finished listening to this scathing message, when my phone rang. With dread I picked it up and said hello. Mom lit into me with both barrels blazing. I swear if I could have tape that conversation it would have been identical to the one she left on my answering machine. Mom talked to me like I was a dog. The lowest form of scum known to man. She droned on and on about how would she ever be able to go back to church or show her face in public ever again. It was gruesome.  Once she finished, she just hung up. Just like that, no I love you. No nothing.

            My roommates came in about half way through mom chewing me out. They could hear every word she said no problem. She was screaming at me. I think it scared them a little bit. They had been around my mom many times. They thought of her as this little sweet lady. But I always told them don’t ever let all that sweetness fool you. She can go from sweet lady to dragon lady in 0seconds flat. They saw and heard just how right I was.

            For the next several weeks, I avoided going back home to Robbinsville to see my family. Mom didn’t call me once during that time. I didn’t call her either. It was her with a problem not me. And I wasn’t about to knuckle to her demands and sob story. I had made my decision. If she didn’t want me in her life then I would have to live with that and move on. I was tired of living my life to please everyone else. I wanted to live my life to please me. I stayed up at the apartment going to school and work. That was about it.  I occasionally ventured up to Asheville. As I was learning my way around the whole gay scene, I didn’t realize how cliquish the gay scene was. Well I did have some new gay friends who made introductions for me.

            Probably the best thing that happened was that with these new friends a few of them looked out for me. I didn’t know it at the time. Andy introduced me to a couple of the bartenders at Scandals. Craig and Mike. They were a couple. Come to find out Craig grew up in Andrews, NC and we had met before. They became my biggest guardians. Now I’m not a movie star, and a hunk. I’m just a good ole country boy fresh of the farm.  And as naïve as they come to the gay scene.  Craig and Mike had all the bartenders, barbacks, bouncers, and drag queens, looking out for me. Guys that would try to hit on me or pick me up, were shot down. I’d be talking to someone turn away for a moment and BAM, they would disappear into thin air.

            I was eating at the Olive Garden one day at lunch. And my waiter just happened to be a guy that a few weeks earlier had talked to me at the bar. I asked him why he just disappeared, that night.  He looked at me strange, then told me that while we were talking, that one of the barbacks at the bar, threatened to beat him up if he didn’t scram. It was my turn to look at him strange. Come to find out, Craig and Mike had made it known that I was off limits.

            After leaving the restaurant, I headed to Craig and Mikes. Yes I confronted them about this. I was a little mad. But after talking with them and listening to their reason behind what they did. Upon reflection, I think they did me a huge favor. By them being concerned for my welfare, it gave me time to get a sense of the gay scene. To learn the ins and outs of gay culture.  Giving  me that extra time to learn a few things, they probably saved my life in more ways than one. Yes I was nothing but raging hormones, with no clue the workings and goings on of being a young gay man. I believed in the goodness of everyone. But life isn’t always good. Growing up in small town USA, where nothing bad ever happens. Moving to the city, where things move at light speed, I was ill prepared for gay life and what I was walking into.

            A few days before Easter. I had just pulled into Steinmart parking lot on Merrimon Ave. I was going to buy a new Easter frock. I really didn’t have anywhere to go. I hadn’t spoken to my family in 6 or 8 weeks. So going home was out of the question. But it was a tradition that you always got a new outfit for Easter. As I was getting out of my car, my car phone started ringing. I picked up the phone and it was my Mom. She wanted to know if I was coming in for Easter. I told her, I wasn’t planning on it. That, there really wasn’t any reason to come to Robbinsville. She had said her peace and made her point perfectly clear over the phone weeks, months earlier.

            Mom told me that she missed me and would really like to see me. Then she asked me to come home again. We talked on for a few more minutes then she asked again. I finally said I would. But if I was coming home to get a lecture and to be yelled at I’d immediately leave and I wouldn’t be coming back, not ever. I wouldn’t take any calls from her, or anyone else in the family.  She promised that that would not happen.

            I found out later that day, that my step-dad Jimmy, had went to bat for me. He told Mom, that cussing me out without giving me a change to give my side of the story, was wrong. He also told her that if she wanted me in her life then she would have to get pass, my being gay. It was up to her. All she had to do is look back over the last several weeks, that I had not called nor had I came home. If that is what she wanted then she got her wish. I was gone and out of her life. Jimmy was officially my hero.

            Mom and I made up, of course. I love my Mom. My Mom loves me. No, she wasn’t happy that I was gay. I think she was angry, because I didn’t tell that I was gay. Instead she had to hear it from a busy body gossip queen. I asked her about it. She wouldn’t tell me who told her. Slowly Mom, and other family members came around. At first they didn’t like it that I was gay. Mom went back to church and held her head up high. And dared anyone to say anything ill against me being gay. I know that is funny right…lol

            I’ve dated 3 guys serious since I came out. My first love was and is Tracy. Then I dated Jack and then Adam. Mom met all 3 of them. Mom even became close with all 3. She loves them all. each in some special way. She is friends with them on Facebook…lol Yeah my Mom on Facebook. She can barely use a computer. She made them all feel like family. That was good since they were a part of my life.

            Coming out isn’t always easy.  The first several months after I came out were very trying and stressful. If it hadn’t been for some very special people, who I have to privilege to call friends, I probably wouldn’t be writing my coming out story. I would have either ended up in the nutt house or killed myself.  But my friends were my rocks, to with stand the tide and my support system to see me through the dark days of coming out.

            There is no right or wrong way to come out. There’s no 5 easy steps to coming out handbook. For some coming out is as easy as breathing air. For others it is very painful and traumatic experience. The most important thing for someone coming out is a good support system. Friends, and family that will be understanding and be there to help you through it.

            I’ve been out and proud for over 20 years now. That is not to say I didn’t lose friends along the way, when I came out. But I made some new ones that have been there through thick and thin. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

            It took me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality. The reason I say that is because it went against the religious beliefs that I was taught as a child. According to my pastor and other preachers, I couldn’t be gay and be a Christian. So there was turmoil if my life due to that. But after years of soul searching and studying. I finally came to realize that God made us all. Great and small, black, white, brown, and cream. Gay, Straight, bi-sexual, he made us all. He doesn’t make mistakes. We mere mortals do the mistake making.  And once I figured out God loved me regardless of what others said or thought. I found peace.

            I’ve been to PRIDE festivals, PRIDE parades, and PRIDE marches. I even went to Washington DC, in 2000, for the Millennial March on Washington. One million plus gay, lesbian and bisexual folks strong. It was eye opening and educational for me to meet so many people like myself, from so many different walks of life. Each with their own story to tell.

            I’m gay. I’m my own gay man. I’m not a typical gay guy. I don’t fall into anyone category. I’m just me. Life experiences have taught me on how to live and be happy. I try to do what is right.  I try to always treat others as I would want to be treated. My Mom raised me to be a gentleman, with manners and respect for others. I hope I never lose that.  And most of all I am a PROUD Gay man. Not because I’m gay but because I’m me….

            There is more I could have wrote. But I feel it is too long already. Lol Maybe at some later date I will add to it. As I write this, things keep popping in my head of those early days. Memories that want to be shared I reckon….lol

Written By: David M. Shuler

29JUNE217    

Cookout at Robyns House

Last Evening Robyn invited us all over for a cookout at her home.  It was a lovely evening for a cookout. We spent the evening out on the deck socializing and enjoying the good company of friends.

          View from Robyns deck. Clouds on the mountains.

     Robyn, Tracy, Allen, and Tami   the awesome foursome.

We had some wonderful food.      Salmon filet

                                                      Grilled Asparagus

                                                      Dirty rice

                                                       Veggie Plate with Hidden Valley Fiesta Salsa

                                                     Fresh homemade ice cream with fresh blue berries.

 

Allen working and socializing.

Tiny sniffing around my feet...lol

                                                      Dan and Allen

Tami and Lilshug

In the Kitchen   Robyn, Eddie, Dan and Tracy

    Eating the homemade ice cream

     Good food, good friends, what more could a person ask for

                                                       Tami and Tiny

       Allen, Tami, and Bella(dog)

It was a wonderful time. Especially after a long and stressed filled day. I was grumpy and irritable when I got home from work.  But by the time I got around friends, and started relaxing I was a changed man... For the better.

Take Me out to the Ballgame

Last evening my friend Robyn, invited me and some other friends out to a baseball game at McCormick field, in Asheville, NC. We have friends visiting from Melbourne, FL, Dan and Tami. Robyn's son is a batboy for the Asheville Tourist this summer.  We get there and have excellent seats right on field level, just to the left of the catcher and Ump. It was a perfect evening for a baseball game. The weather was fine.                                                    

 Tickets to the game.

      View from our seats.

   

  

The Tourist beat the Greenville team 5 to 3.

Robyn and Tracy

                                                      Have a fun time.

                                                                      Robyn using hand gestures explaining something to Tami

Robyn excited about the win...

It was a fun night. Robyn, Eddie, Tracy, Tami, Dan, and myself.  Laughing and just enjoying a good evening with friends.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Mamaw Pauline

Happy Birthday in Heaven Mamaw Pauline

Fifteen years in the blink of an eye.

Fifteen years since, we said, Good Bye.

Time moves swiftly,

I don’t know why.

Live for today.

Because tomorrow you might die.                            

The loneliness in our hearts,

When you left us down here?

On the wings of the Angels,

Heading to Heaven so fair.

The smile on your face.

The look of LOVE in your eyes.

We knew we were safe,

With you by our side.

A Mamaw like you is hard to beat.

Because you were so full of LOVE, COMPASSION and  so SWEET.

In Loving Memory of my Mamaw Pauline

27JUNE1929 to 13MAY2002

Written By: David M. Shuler

08JUNE2017

Uncle Eddie, Aunt Teresa, 

Mamaw Pauline, Mom

Mamaw Pauline and Me

Mom and Mamaw Pauline

Mom, Me and Mamaw

Ramblings in the Night..........LOVE Unconditiionally

Ramblings in the Night

 Love Unconditionally

            I just wrote about Hate. So, I feel it is necessary to write about its opposite Love. Much has been written about love. It is one of the most sought-after things in life. Many people find love. But only a few, hold on to it. It is not that love is fleeting. People fall in and out of love as often as they change their underwear seems like these days. If you keep up with the entertainment industry in the news. Some star has broken up with the current flavor of the month and moved on to a new boy/girlfriend. It makes this statement pretty true. Most people fall in lust not love.

            What is love. Well the dictionary says that love is, an intense feeling of deep affection. “Love is a variety of feelings, states and attitudes.” True enough. I like what the Dalai Lama said, “LOVE is the absence of judgement.” When you love someone, there shouldn’t be restrictions or conditions to that love.  But most people want to put conditions on their love.

            When I was young I heard an old saying, Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone. I believe this is a very true statement. I have met some very beautiful people. But once you get past the pretty, they are the ugliest people I have ever met. Their image of themselves, hinders them from truly loving another person.  I read a profile a young man created that said, I am intimidated by anyone prettier than me. And the photo the young man used on the profile, he was very attractive. How can people be so vain, that they don’t like others that might be better looking than themselves. JEALOUSY.. 

                                                                    Mom holding me with my uncle Eddie looking on. 1969

            I’m getting off subject and chasing rabbits. Lol. My Mom I would say, is the best example of unconditional love. She used to aggravate me when she would say, you will never know love like, a love a mother has for her child. Being a guy, I couldn’t be a mother. But as a son. I knew the love of my Mother. Not one time in all my years breathing air, have I ever been worried that my Mom didn’t love me.

            Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. I have said and done things that have made my Mom fighting mad. But she never stopped loving me, even with all my fault and flaws.  When I was a kid, she would beat me and call it a whooping. Even today and me a grown man. She will sometimes say, I wish you were little boy again so I could give you a whooping. We still argue and fuss. But deep down, I know my Mom loves me. And I love her.

            There were no conditions to mom’s love. She loved freely. Without reserve. But there were consequences to stepping out of line or misbehaving. Punishment was swift and sure. It usually ended with my going to hunt for a hickory switch. And while Mom was using that hickory switch on me. She would be saying this is hurting me more than you. I would be screaming. NO, IT’S NOT. While I was running around in a circle trying to get away from her.

            Looking back now, I do realize that yes, it probably was hurting her to have to correct me. But also, she wanted me to grow up to be a decent man. I’m sure I have failed in that area many times.

Me with the Mumps and my Dad. 1977

            With my Dad, to have his love, there were conditions that had to be met. He expected his son, to love sports, hunting, fishing, camping, and a plethora of other manly things. Well I do like some of those things.  I love to hunt, fish, camp. I even like some sports. Dad would get upset if you didn’t go out for the sports offered at school. He didn’t understand my love of reading, or Matchbox cars.

            The biggest obstacle between me and my Dad today, is my being gay. He cannot accept it. He acts all awkward, when he is around me. Like, he’s not sure what he should say, that wouldn’t sound like him being an asshole. Although, he can be a major asshole at time. Usually when he is trying to tell me how to live my life.

            Let me give you an example. Dad has been going to a revival at a church that a good friend and former college roommate is the Pastor of. His name is Chris Rumfelt. When Dad told me about the revival and whose church it was. I told him, that Chris and I were friends and former college roommates. Big mistake on my part. Because he called me the next day. Dad told me that he asked Chris to pray for me. That I was living a sinful life and proceeded to tell Chris my business. I’m not mad that he asked Chris to pray for me. I am mad that, he took it upon himself to tell things that he knows nothing about. But like I said, Dads love always has conditions attached to it.

            Mom always told me to love God first, then family, then friends and everyone else. In that order. She would say, God should be first in your life above all others. She would tell me that God loves me. That Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of love, by dying for everyone and taking away their sins. As a young child that was good to know. Because I sinned a lot. I still do.

            Even with myself. I know that I put conditions on my love. I have loved 3 guys in my life. Each one of them were special in one or another. Each had special qualities that I found attractive. Even though for one reason or another, things didn’t work out. But I still think of them fondly. We still stay in contact with each other. We remained friends.

            Tracy was my first love. The moment I laid eyes on him, I was lost. He was way out of my league. But it was love at first sight. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or concentrate, I was always thinking about him. The funny thing about Tracy. He had a dog named Buttons. He told me when we went out on our first date that if Buttons didn’t like me that was it. I worked for a bank at the time. I stuffed my pockets with doggy treats that evening when I left work and headed to Asheville for our date. I got to Tracy’s apartment. Set down, and Buttons came over to me sniffing. Then she pawed at my pockets. Tracy asked me, what was in my pockets. I pulled out the doggy treats and Buttons tail started wagging nonstop. Tracy laughed and said, you have bribed my dog. I replied, no just getting in good with the boss. Lol  

                                                                                         Me with Coco and Rootbeer

            It is not only humans that know how to love and show affection. I have 3 dogs. Coco, Rootbeer, and Lil Shug. They each have their own personalities. But they are all very lovable. They can be very demanding when they want attention. Coco, is my bully. She will bully her way in so that she can love on you or you love on her. She doesn’t understand the word no. But she is very loving and affectionate.  Rootbeer, he does this little gig and this funny growl, if he thinks you are ignoring him. Then once he has your attention it is up in your lap to hangout and nap. And then there is little Shug. She is the baby of the trio. Now she likes to walk up my chest, so I can blow in her face. Once I start that she will pat my jaws with her paws and turn her head from side to side wanting to keep doing it. It is a big game to her. She likes to snuggle up real close to nap. But once she comfy she does not like to be disturbed.

            Love should be free. Love should not cost you anything. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to be loved. If you must give up something or change who you are to get love, there is a problem. There are restrictions to this kind of love. That is a warped kind of love.

            Love should bring joy into your life. Love should make you giddy and light headed when it is freely given and received. Love should happiness to your life and the lives that you are showing love to. True love knows no bounds. It doesn’t have borders or limitations. Love can brighten your darkest day.

            I will close with this.  I heard a statement. It went something like this.  If love is what you seek. Seek it with all your heart. Be prepared to travel to the ends of the earth to gain it.

Lil Shug being all cute and sweet.

Written By: David M. Shuler

21JUNE2017

Ramblings in the Night........HATE

I HAVE ATTACHED IMAGES WITH THIS. I THINK THEY ARE A GOOD REPRESENTATION OF HATE.

Ramblings in the Night

Hate

            My earliest memories are of my sweet little mom. She was always telling me that she loves me. Even to this day she still tells me that, she loves me every time we talk on the phone, or we are together. I can make mom mad and she can make me mad. But her love for me has never been in question. Not once ever. It has always been there, through the good times and the bad. Now I know this is a weird way to start a topic, with the title that reads HATE.

            As I was thinking about Hate. I tried to think of things I hated or disliked as a young kid. It was the usual hodgepodge of things, like vegetables, or anything of god for me food wise. Lol. Going to bed early, when everyone was still up. Doing my homework. The normal stuff. I can’t think of any person that I hated as a kid. I do remember one time that I wanted to do something, My Papaw Jim told me No. It made me mad and I told him that I hated him. Let me state right here, I didn’t mean that. I never hated my Papaw ever. I loved my Papaw, he was one of my hero’s. What I said, I said in anger at the time. It in, no way expressed my true feelings.

            Mom taught me at a young age not to hate. She would say, don’t ever hate someone. It is wrong. She tried to instill in me the importance of loving everyone, because the Bible, say to love one another. That doesn’t mean, I have to like everything about everybody. None of us are perfect. We do things that will annoy others. That is just part of life.

            I am going to rephrase the words of the all wise Master Yoda. He said, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Let me say it this way, envy leads to hate, hate leads to anger, and anger leads to misery. Both ways lead us to the path of the DARKSIDE.

 I didn’t have Master Yoda in mind when I came up with that wording. It dawned on me afterwards that, I had heard something similar before. Prime example, is the first murder that was committed in the Bible. Cain kills his brother Abel. It started with envy or jealousy, with Cain. Abel brought a more pleasing sacrifice to God. Can then became anger with his brother. Which lead to Cain killing his brother Abel. God cursed Cain. Misery followed him.

            It seems everywhere you look, there is hate and misery. Just look at what happened in Manchester, UK, a few weeks ago. A bomber, decided to kill himself and many others, because of hate. People he didn’t know. Was it because they were having fun? Was it because they were of a different Religious faith?  Was it because someone told him that to ensure his place in heaven, he had to kill innocent people have a good time? I don’t know. I believe it is a mix of all those things I just mentioned.

            All a person has to do is turn on the TV and watch the news or pick up a newspaper to see we have a big problem with hate. Both political parties hate each other. And the American people are the ones that suffer for it. The news outlets thrive and flourish on hate. You very seldom see anything in the news that would be considered good news.

            We hate based on skin color, religious belief, gender, sexuality, wealth.  We hate for many different reasons. We hate because we hold on to past grudges, past injustices, and /or past wrongs. Holding on to these things can only lead to hate. We hate so much that we have made ourselves sick. That is right being fueled by hate, will make you sick.

            Mom would always tell me that God is Love. He loves everyone. When I was a kid growing up in church, we sang a song, “He’s got the whole world in his hands.” It brought Moms words home that God loves everyone. It still rings true now that I am older.

            As I got older and started reading and studying the Bible, God was love and vengeance. Many sins carried the penalty of death. God hates sin. And judgement is coming for sinners. But it said that God, loves sinners. That whole concept never made sense in my head. How can you hate sin, but love the sinner.

            Now a days we see this group hates that group. Blacks hate whites, and vice versa. Democrats hate Republicans. Straights hate gays. Everyone hates President Trump and Hillary Clinton. Muslims hate Christians. It is a never ending cycle. Or so it seems. People hate others that don’t conform to what they thing is normal. Where does hate come from?

            While writing this and thinking about hate. I powered up the ole computer. Began exploring the world wide web about hate. Evidently researchers are studying hate. They’ve gone so far as to use MRI scanning of the brain. The study is not complete but they are making process and hopeful to find the answer.

            I read this one writer who said, hate masks personal insecurities. After some thought that brings to mind, how some guys are totally cool with lesbians, but hate gay guys. They can’t stand to be around a gay guy. Is it that they are afraid that being around a gay guy can be contagious? That by being near someone that is gay they will be labeled as being gay themselves? Or are they truly gay themselves and so scared that it might come out. The very sight of an openly gay man makes them see red and hate themselves. Because they can’t truly be themselves for fear of rejection or disowned by family, and friends.

            The writer went on to say, that not all insecure people are haters. But all haters are insecure people. People hate change. It’s the truth I don’t like change either. If something we hold near and dear comes into question, we fight tooth and nail to prove our way of thinking is the right way.

            You know, if we put as much effort into loving people as we do hating them. Just think, what a wonderful world this would be. If we loved more. Life would be a peaceful and loving place to live.

            People who don’t know me, will hate me because I am white. Because I am gay. Because I am a republican. Because I am of the Christian faith. Because I love meat. No matter what the reason, I know not everyone will not like me. Some would even do me harm, if given the chance.

            I try not to let my past experiences cloud my judgement. Past wrongs cause me to waste my time hating. While I don’t hate anyone. Those that have wronged me, I try to be social, when etiquette requires me to. But most of the time, I leave them to themselves, so that I don’t get wronged again. I feel it is better to remove someone from your life, than to let them in it. That way they can’t wreak havoc and cause me to end up hating them.

            It’s hard to love when you have hare in your heart. I have read a lot of books. I read the daily newspaper. I keep the news pulled up on my computer. I like to know what is going on around me and in the world.

            There was an article in the newspaper about a high school here in NC, where Anti-LGBT posters were plastered on the walls of the school.  The posters read, Supporting LGBT rights is supporting sin. Remember what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah. This is the price of sin. Very straight forward and hateful. I have read the Sodom story many times over the years. I have listened to preachers use this passage from the Bible to condemn homosexuality. It wasn’t until I read a book by Alex Sanchez, titled the God box, that I got another perspective regarding the Sodom story. It helped me a lot after reading the book.

            While I wouldn’t throw off on another’s right to believe, whatever religious belief they chose. I think that a person’s sexuality is not a choice. No One in their right mind would choose to be gay. The scorn, ridicule, the harsh treatment, the bullying, the assaults, the violence. Not worth it, if it was a choice to be gay. Though some people swear it is a choice, it is not.

            The suicide rate of young gay and lesbian youth is high. A lot of it has to do with bullying, harsh treatment at home, but also a lack of concern from educators, who see it as someone wanting attention by coming out. So instead of protecting these young people. We allow these awful things to happen and when one of them takes his or her life, we say how could this have happen. I wish I would have done more.

            Nelson Mandela said, “No one is born hating another person, because of the color of his skin or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hare, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

            I agree with Mandela. We learn to love and hate from those around us. Our parents, grandparents, friends, ministers, teachers, influence our views on things at a young age. Not always for the better. I would hope that I love more than I hate. I hope that it can be said of me, that I love everyone.

            My Dad loves to hate. If he thinks that you have wronged him, he will hate you until his last dying breath. Dad has hated me for years over one infraction or another. But probably the thing he hates me for the most is that his son is gay. He has made that perfectly clear. He hates having a gay son. Has went so far as to tell me that if he knew I would turn out to be this way. That he should have killed me at birth. Now if that is not hate, I don’t know what it.

            While dads hate, for me is none of my business. I’m not going to let his hatred of me dictate my happiness. Nor how I live my life. You cannot live your life to make others happy. You will be miserable and they want truly be happy either. They will always find something to complain or be mad about.

            So I think I’ve said enough on the subject of hate. I’ve given you my 2 cents worth. I think hating someone is a waste of time and energy that could be better spent trying to make the world a better place to live. You don’t have to agree or like anything I have said. This is my story, so I’m not looking for approval.

Written By: David M.. Shuler

19JUNE2017