A Shattered Life

A Shattered Life;

A Life that could have been, but never was…

            Where to begin. I recently wrote a story entitled, “Scars.” I wrote in the story how we get scars. Scars are not the only thing a person can get from a rough life. A life away from God. I wrote and posted a story entitled, “The Dangers of Drifting.”  The scripture for that story came from the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 27:8 As a bird wandereth from her nest; so is a man that wandereth from his place.  How getting away from God and living away from God can lead to tragedy.  I am a walking example of both of those stories. But more importantly, I’m a Shattered Life. A life that could have been. A life spent serving God. But now I have wasted over 20 plus years of it, and it is now a never was. What I mean is, that I am not what God had originally set out for me to be. 

I blew that life, in order to live a life of the flesh. A life that I wanted. A life with one single purpose, to satisfy the desires of my flesh. I turned my back on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirt. I said NO. There were things I wanted to do, places I wanted to see, and experiences that I wanted to have. At the time I thought living a Godly Christian life would deny me those opportunities.

Let me start from the beginning. I graduated from High School in the Spring of 1988. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I went to college. Partied hardy and flunked out. I then got a job working for the furniture factory in my homes town. No, it was not my dream job. But it paid me every week. I made good money to be only 19 years old.  I still partied every weekend with my friends. I had stopped going to church.

Then in the early Fall of 1988, I was invited to a youth revival at Cedar Cliff Baptist Church. Pastor Jimmy Millsaps had Evangelist Danny Castle preaching the youth revival. The night I went Preacher Castle had his churches youth choir there to sing and take part in the service. Preacher Castle was the pastor of New Manna Baptist Church in Marion, NC.

Preacher Castle preached his message. God started dealing with me. The sweet Holy Spirit, told me that I wasn’t right with God. The Holy Spirit told me that I needed to turn my life around and give it all to God. I left church that night. I didn’t make things right. And I had determined that I wasn’t going back.

Little did I know that come Monday I was going to be right back at Cedar Cliff Baptist Church, ready to listen to the man of God, preach the word of God. This night after the preacher was finished preaching and he gave the alter call, I went up and got things right with the Lord. I spent the next few weeks at church every night because that youth revival lasted a little over 4 weeks. Many young people got saved and rededicated their lives to the Lord during that youth revival.

Over the next few months, I spent time in the word of God. I prayed. I was in church every time the doors were open. I run around with the right crowd of people. The Godly crowd. I started taking part in church. I’m not saying that I was perfect, not by any means. I’m just an old retch. But I knew that I was a born-again retch, washed in the blood of the precious lamb of God, Jesus Christ my savior.

Bro. Jimmy and Sister Angie’s house became a refuge. We prayed and fellowshipped. Bro. Jimmy expounded on the word of God. Food for the soul. Bro. Jimmy kept us in church. We went to revivals and camp meetings and bible conferences, and tent revivals. He wanted us to grow in the Lord. And he knew that only way to do that, was to keep us close to God and in Gods house.

I and many of my friends started developing standards and convictions. We became strong believers of that old King James Bible. We believed in the power of the blood of Jesus. We believed in salvation, through faith in Jesus the only begotten Son of God.

I was young. I felt God wanted me to do something. I just didn’t know what it was. I was praying about it. I had my friends praying about it. I was teaching Sunday school. I was working in the bus ministry. I was teaching a lesson on the bus ride to church as well as singing with the people on the bus. I was helping with the tape ministry. But still I felt that God wanted something more from me. I just didn’t know what.

Then in March of 1989, we had a revival at Cedar Cliff. The guest preacher was Bro. Roy Goodson. Oh, what a preacher he was. From the first sermon he preached on that Monday night, God was all over me. I was under great conviction. Not that I needed to be saved. I had already accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. God finally revealed to me what he wanted me to do. He wanted me to become a preacher. I was mortified of getting up in front of people and speaking.

Bro. Goodson preached every night that week. And every night I was in the altar, begging and wrestling with God over the ministry. I didn’t want to do it. The thought of being a preacher scared me to death. That week. I had stopped at the country store below my house. It was on a Tuesday morning. The owner of the Store Maggie Belle Edison was ringing me up and I was about to pay her. When she looked at me and said, out of the blue. I am so proud of you. I looked at her and said, thanks. Then I asked, what did I do?  She said for announcing your calling to preach.

To say I nearly went into cardiac arrest is an understatement. I told her that I had not announced my calling to preach.  She looked at me and said, are you sure. I left there, pale as a ghost and under conviction about the ministry.

I thought that that would be the end of it. But no, I was wrong. Bro. Goodson preached that night and again I was in the alter begging and wrestling with God. That I didn’t want to be a preacher. The next morning I ran into my cousin’s wife Kelly. She looked at me and said, God has called you to preach, hasn’t he? I guess the look of total despair was written all over my face. She got her answer. I told her to mind her own business.

By the Friday I was so miserable. On the drive to church that night it was a struggle. I finally told God that I would do it. That I would be a preacher. Service started, and Bro. Jimmy asked if anyone had anything to say. God nearly buckled my knees. But I didn’t say anything.  After singing Bro. Jimmy asked if anyone would like to testify or say a word. The Holy Spirit was all over me to announce my calling. But I refused. Bro. Goodson got up and brought the message that night. I sat on the front row. Miserable for disobeying the Lord.

Bro. Goodson finished preaching. He gave the alter call. I was the first one there. I didn’t have far to go, being on the front row. I was tired of fighting the Lord and finally surrendered to his will. When I stood up, Bro. Goodson looked at me and said, do you have a word for us. With my knees shaking I looked at him and said God wants me to be a preacher. Bro. Goodson looked at me and said, “now was that so hard.”

God opened doors. I was able to preach. And I did preach. I even preached on the streets of Robbinsville. It was a Wednesday night. Before I left the house heading to church, I prayed God if there is anything you want me to do, I will do it. I no more than said Amen, when my phone rang, and it was Bro. Grant Burke. He told me that I needed to get on the street Saturday night and preach.

I got to church, and we discussed it. I said that I would preach on the street on Saturday night. My Great Grandmas niece owned a shopping center on the by-pass in town. She said, we could street preach there any time that we wanted to. We got there that Saturday night. We were going to street preach in front of her store, but I thought we should get closer to the crowd hanging out at the game room. So, we moved it down to the far end of the parking lot close to the game room.

I don’t remember what scripture I read from. Most likely it was John 3:16. I spent the next 15 to 20 minutes preaching on God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.

For the next 6 years I was very much involved in church. I preached when ever I got the opportunity. I went on visitation and witnessed. I even made a blue berry cobbler to get a man to come to church. That’s how much I loved the Lord and wanted everyone to know Him. It was nothing that I did. It was God using me, for his glory.

Then there was a shift in my life. I wanted to go back to school. Bro. Jimmy begged me not to go. He told me that it would be difficult to live a Christian life at a state funded college. But I wouldn’t listen to him. The first year. I kept up my reading of the word of God. I had weekly Bible study at my home at school. I knew that if I was to survive I would need that. God blessed it. There were several people there for Bible study. Even neighbors that I didn’t know would come.

Little did I know at the time. One of those young men that would come to my weekly Bible studies had never been saved. But went home one weekend after coming to the Bible studies a few times and got saved. And not long after announced his calling to preach. My Moms church had that young man as a guest preacher one Sunday. This was a few years afterward. The young preacher gave his testimony. He spoke of his time in Cullowhee. And his neighbor who had a weekly Bible study. Mom had no idea he was talking about me, until he spoke my name and told how I was the one who was holding the Bible study. He told me about it years later when I ran into him at a church service. To God be the glory. This is probably the only good thing to come out of my time at Cullowhee.

I had made it through a whole year at school. And everything was good. I got cocky. And that is when Satan laid me low. I thought I could handle college life and it not affect me. But little did I know that just around the bend I was going to be tried and tested. And fail miserably.

I became friends with some guys in a fraternity. And well fraternity life and a Christian life do not mix well at all. I will not go, into all of the details other than to say that a girl, alcohol and a challenge started me down a road that would take me away from the Lord, the ministry and the life I thought I would have.

I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped going to church during the week. And only went on Sundays, and not every Sunday. My fellowship with the Lord was gone. I quenched the Holy Spirit when He told me I was doing wrong.

I started drinking. I started partying. I started cussing. I started lusting and fornicating. I started living only to fulfill the desires of my flesh. Whatever made it happy. Whatever made it feel good, I did it.

It didn’t take long to starve my spirit man of Godly food. Because I was only feeding my carnal man fleshly desires. I left the safety of God. I left the safety of my church. I started doing things that got me in trouble with my church. God was no longer on my mind.

See sin gets you to go down in the muck and mire of this world. I was like the prodigal son. I left my Heavenly Father for my chance to live my life as I saw fit. I wasted my time in the cesspools of this world. I went to places that no God-fearing Christian should ever go. The prodigal son story can be found in Luke 15:11-32 King James Bible.

I still do not understand why God let me live. I brought shame to my name. I brought shame to the cause of Christ. I brought shame to my ministry. I brought shame to my family.

I have done things that I am not proud of. I have cussed God. I have fed my body all the worldly desires that it wanted. None of them ever satisfied for long. And then I was out looking for my next fix. I didn’t get involved with drugs. I didn’t care for that kind of crazy. Alcohol was about it. Although many tried to get me to use drugs of one sort or the other. I tried ecstasy once. That was enough for me.

Looking back. 20 years plus have come and gone. I have wasted, those years fulfilling the lust of my flesh. I have destroyed my testimony with God, my Christian friends and my Church. The ministry I could have had, is a never was. The people I could have influenced to the Lord, their blood is on my hands. If they have died or die without ever knowing Christ and accepting Him as their Lord and Savior, I will give an account for them when I stand before God.

So many missed opportunities. But God let me live. There are so many times that He could have let me slip off into eternity out of His will. Or without ever making things right with Him. He would have been just in doing so. But He still loves me. Even as damaged and as flawed as I am. He can use me. That is the only reason I am still alive. He has a plan for me.

God has some purpose for my life. Why else would I still be here if He did not. That purpose He will show me only after I have surrendered to His will. Begged His forgiveness. Confessed my sins.  Get them under the precious Blood of Jesus Christ. Then and only then will the Sweet Holy Spirit reveal to me what God has in store for me.

I don’t want to brag in any way, with anything that I have said here. I don’t want to glorify the flesh in any way either. I have only God to thank, that I am still counted among the living. Through his Mercy and Grace, I am still here.

An old timey preacher told me once that, Sin will take you farther than you were willing to go. Sin will keep you longer than you were willing to stay. And Sin will make you pay more than you were willing to pay. Truer words have never been spoken.

Sin has cost me a lot. It cost me my fellowship with God. It cost me my health. Sin can and will destroy your health. Sin can and will destroy your home life. Sin kept me in bondage far longer than I thought I would be there. Sin cost me good Christian friends. Men and women who truly loved me and prayed for me. Who are still praying for me. Don’t make the costly mistakes that I have made.

Like the Prodigal son, I finally came to myself. Luke 15:17 And when he finally came to himself, I think that this means that up until that very moment he was not in his right mind. He came to himself. I don’t know what other people think. But when you leave the safety of God for the pleasures of this world, that you have lost your mind. Speaking from personal experience.

A song comes to mind, by Johnny hates Jazz, entitled Shattered dreams. That is all I have to show for a wasted life. Nothing but Shattered Dreams. Don’t make the same mistakes that I have made. Trust in the Lord. Do it while you are young. Serve the Lord with gladness. When you are old and at the end of your life, you will be thankful that you did.

Written By: David M. Shuler

                    30APRIL2018